Life Lessons

Feelings of shame and inadequacy often drive our actions. Though powerful, these feelings are rooted in the past. Behavior and decision making need to be based on a  thoughtful consideration of current reality.

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Rebuilding trust is not a unilateral process.

Both the betrayer and

the betrayed have roles to play.

The betrayer has to be extremely disclosing as well as consistent in doing what s/he says.

The betrayed has to give the betrayer a chance to prove his/her trustworthiness.

That means the betrayed needs to allow him/herself to be  (safely) vulnerable so that the betrayer has an opportunity to earn trust.

If both parties play their parts, slowly and over time, trust can be increasingly reestablished.

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It's important to have realistic expectations in relationships: to know what you can expect from a relationship and what you can't; what you shouldn't take personally and what you should.

Worst case scenarios are low probability events but are mistakenly seen  as likely occurrences.

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People tend to idealize what they don't have and then be disappointed by what they get. This is true of absent parents, romantic relationships or sobriety.